Shush for Bush

Sleeping while he’s is in Aussieland would be beneficial - unless the Aussies want to welcome the U.S.’s first “emperor.”

Little Johnny better wear a jacket that says ‘BOSS’ on the back in big letters because Dubya definately doesn’t know who he is.

I wasn’t going to say it. I told myself I wasn’t going to say it.

Damn it, here it comes:

Hmmmmm……

Interesting to my American eyes is the implied ignorance of Americans and our President to the existence of any country in the Eastern Hemisphere other than Japan. It shouldn’t come as a surprise to you that I for one know your PM’s name is John Howard! (I think…)

As much as I would delight in saying that I, as well as my fellow comrades, knew more about your country than this, the fact is that I would find delight in an abundace of knowledge of Australian History only for the sake of this mere post which will be forgotten within the next five minutes.

Not to sound like the stereotypical American ignorant of his fellow man’s culture, but most stereotypical Americans are ignorant of their fellow man’s culture. Our exposure to Australia in all honesty can be summed up by the Crocodile Hunter, Crocodile Dundee, crocodile boots, hats, and various accessories, Foster’s beer and Arnold Schwarzenegger whom I even thought had an Australian accent at first. (I know he’s Austrian now, okay?) Regardless, I would hardly believe any Australian who said “that’s us, that’s what we’re all about right there!”

But don’t for one minute think I am only challenging my home country to find a reason to find a reason, I am challenging you Australians to come up with a list of what you think America is. I know for sure nobody would ever remember the name Monica Lewinsky. Could it be that we are just as much of a joke to you as you are to us?

Let me ask a question here. Do about half of the people there believe that when innocent commoners are shot down and beaten like dogs in the middle of the town sqare and are made to bare witness to the burning of their homes and the raping of their wives and underage daughters they should be liberated? Do about half of the people there have their head out of their ass long enough breathe, while the other half parades around like a bunch of hippie green-peace “activists” who bitch about buying brand name clothing but who would stick their heads up Ru Pauls dress and bob for apples for a cherry coke and their picture in a tabloid magazine alongside of a 300-year old tree protesting the war? Then on top of all that, besides having to hear everyone’s opinion like you’re hearing mine, does it ever annoy any of you that of the cumulative 100%, 70% or more either don’t care at all or only have a strong opinon because someone else tells them too?

If you guys are anything like this at all, chances are you’re just like us. If a meteor were to hit Australia and everyone were to die, a lot of people here would say “Damn space gods! No more Croc Hunter!” But if you were to witness a meteor hit America and everyone were to die, a lot of people there would say “Damn space gods! No more Simpsons, South Park, or humorous Presidential sex scandals!”

I guess what the hell I am trying to say even though my original point is probably gone now (I forgot what it was and I don’t care to look back) is that you guys aren’t too different from us. Most of you don’t care about Bush, most of us don’t either. Hell, I supported Bush because I thought he was the lesser of two evils, not because I liked him, and I’m guessing you guys have to do the same with your elections. It’s Bafoon A vs. Bafoon B. Either way, you lose. But I know one thing is for sure, and that is that we both laugh at the Germans and the French and we both like to get drunk and naked. So uhh, maybe we could toss a rope to each other and pull our continents a little closer together. I’m sure you don’t want to be near New Zealand and China anymore than we want to be near Mexico or Canada, which we can just blow up and move away from.

By the way, G.W. won’t be back because the Secret Service was being kept too busy fending off all those fucken spiders with insecticide. I’ll take a bear’s mauling over that any day.