You’re not Australian until:
1) You’ve mimicked Alf Stewart from Home & Away’s broad, Australian accent, eg. “push off, ya flamin’ drongo!”
2) You’ve had an argument with your mate over whether Ford or Holden makes the better car.
3) You’ve done the “hot sand” dance at the beach while running from the ocean back to your towel.
4) You know who Ray Martin is.
5) You start using words like ‘bloody’ and ‘grouse’ [if you’re from Melbourne that is!] and call people ‘champ’.
6) You stop greeting people with ‘hello’ and go straight to the “how ya doin’?”
7) You’ve seriously considered running down the shop in a pair of Ugg Boots.
8) You own a pair of ugg boots.
9) You’ve been to a day-nighter cricket match and screamed out incomprehensibly until your throat went raw.
10) You kind of know the first verse to the national anthem, but buggered if you know what ‘girt’ means. Defo!!!!!!!
11) You have a story that somehow revolves around excess consumption of alcohol and a mate named ‘Dave’.
12) You’ve risked attending an outdoor music festival on the hottest day of the year.
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13) You’ve tried to hang off a clothesline [the Hills Hoist being an Australian invention an’ all!] while pretending you can fly.
14) You’ve had a visit to the emergency room after hanging off the clothesline pretending you can fly.
15) You own a pair of thongs for everyday use, and another pair of ‘dress thongs’ for special occasions.
16) You don’t know what’s in a meat pie, and you don’t care.
17) You pronounce Australia as “Straya”.
18) You call soccer “soccer”, not “football”.
19) You’ve squeezed Vegemite through Vita Wheats to make little Vegemite worms.
20) You suck your coffee through a Tim Tam.
21) You realise that lifeguards are the only people who can get away with wearing Speedos.
22) You pledge allegiance to Vegemite over Promite.
23) You understand the value of public holidays.
24) Your weekends are spent barracking for your favourite sports team.
25) You have a toilet dolly.
26) You’ve played beach cricket with a tennis ball and a bat fashioned out of a fence post.
27) You firmly believe that in the end, everything will be ok, and have told a mate in tough times that “She’ll be right, mate.”
28) You use the phrase, “no worries” at least once a day.
29) You’ve been on a beach holiday and have probably stayed in a caravan.
30) You constantly shorten words to “brekkie”, “arvo” and “barbie”.
31) You’ve adopted a local bar as your own.
32) You know the oath of mateship can never be limited by geographical distance.
(Submitted by Le Ginch)